What To Expect When You’re Expecting The Rapture

Image via Get Glue.

I admit this is partially my fault: for the sake of sounding pretty, I’ve been using words like ‘rapture’, ‘apocalypse’, and ‘end of days’ fairly interchangeably. Nor am I the only one. For this reason and probably many others, there’s a certain level of confusion about what’s actually been predicted for today.

Well, I can clear that up for you. In fact, I shall – and in a helpful Q-and-A format, no less. As a librarian and blogger, it is my duty to spend the end of days spreading knowledge, so people can approach the Rapture and the ensuing tribulation better informed. And rest assured that as long as the Internet survives in our post-Rapture world, I’ll continue to blog helpful hints for surviving the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.

Or, y’know, other stuff. Just in case the Second Coming isn’t forthcoming.

Apocalypse Now – Well, Actually, Next Saturday

Image via Nice Try Zia on Flickriver.

So how are you celebrating the end of the world?

It’s closer than you think. The 2012 crowd may be surprised to find out that Judgment Day is slated for May 21, 2011. That is, next Saturday. Yup, it’s more than just the Victoria Day weekend for us north of the border.

I’ve been remiss. I should have warned you earlier. I’ve been driving by a roadside ad about it for about a month now. I even took a picture of it on my cell phone. But that’s okay: it’s not too late to make your own plans to celebrate the Apocalypse.

God Hates Picket Signs

In the U.S. of A., picketing funerals is a Constitutional right, according to the Supreme Court. Given that, I just want to make the highly unoriginal point that just being legal is not enough to make something okay.

Image via Bodhipaksa blog.

The irony here is that Westboro Baptist and other picketing fundamentalists (if any even exist outside of crazy Westboro Baptists) would agree with me. They would argue that legalizing same-sex marriage or abortion doesn’t make it right or acceptable in the eyes of God. In fact, they’d argue, it’s so repugnant to God that we’re actually doing the right thing by picketing these funerals, raising people’s awareness of His coming wrath.

And yet, somehow they don’t get the fundamental rule of social courtesy: that you don’t treat somebody in a way you wouldn’t want yourself treated. That there are certain social boundaries that need to be respected, and one could make the argument that customs around saying farewell to a loved one are some of the most important. The message about how much God hates fags/abortion/you can come later.

Oh, Snap!

This showed up on Failbook today. I think it pretty much speaks for itself.

see more Failbook

“Mister Bishop was lost for all eternity . . . but YOU don’t have to be!”

Great news today! While out running errands, my husband found a Chick tract by an ATM machine and brought it home for my collection. And it’s one of the really good ones, with demons and angels and people who don’t behave at all realistically. It’s a riot! Submitted for the approval of the Crazy Fundie Society, we call this story . . .

Image via Chick.com.

Happy Thanksgiving, U.S.A.

With love from your neighbours up north!

Any profound thoughts I may have on the subject of gratitude haven’t much changed since Canadian Thanksgiving a month ago. So instead, have a Chick tract!

Image via Chick Publications.

Click the comic (or right here!) to read more.

In essence, “The Missing Day” is a heartwarming story about how Thanksgiving is the gathering of your miserable, money-grubbing, and unthankful family. But – spoiler alert! (kinda) – they’re only jerks because they don’t have Jesus in their hearts. Unfortunately they’re not likely to welcome Him into their hearts because, well, they’re jerks. But in a typical Chick-style happy ending, the one nice kid in the family gets saved and everybody else winds up in hell! (Chick tracts have a rather unfortunate habit of portraying “getting saved” as a type of joy that makes you forget how your best friend or your mom or whoever just got consigned to eternal damnation.)

Eve’s Mind

Comic from Answers in Genesis.

I figure a lot of women I know would find this fairly offensive, but I laughed. It’s not exactly an insult to women if men can’t understand how we think. Based on some of the guys I’ve met, it can even be a compliment. It’s not that nice of Adam to imply that Eve is kinda crazy for the way she perceives things. But there’s no point in getting annoyed at male ignorance (which has mostly been a constant across history). As ever, we do better to just keep searching for a cure.

And daisies aren’t the friendliest flower. Too pasty. I get along far better with fuchsia.